yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
