Screwed.edu
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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