woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
