I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
