I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
