I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
