I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
organizing the empties. That sober.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
