I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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