I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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