i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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