i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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