I skipped work to stalk him.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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