So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
