Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
