I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My liver just broke up with me...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
