so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
