I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i will never coherently bang her
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
