I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
