is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
