Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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