Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
