When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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