Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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