Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
