You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
