He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
