Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
