He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize