How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
