Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
