Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize