Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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