She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
