honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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