What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
