My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
