According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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