this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What happened to fro yo and sex?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
