Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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