i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
