I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
