I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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