I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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