I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
