Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
