Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
