Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
