Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
