TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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