please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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