thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
