you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
