How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We are all done wearing pants today
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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