i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
