Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
