i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
