I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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