I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
