Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
