I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
