Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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