she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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