If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
