just come out here and I will go home with you...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Houston, we have a squirter
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
