I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
