it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
