then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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