he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
