Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
