How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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