I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
