How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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