Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
