So drunk its hurt
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
