are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
