My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize