Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
