just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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