Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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