he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
