I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
