I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
well you can't waste a boner
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
