smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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