were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
