I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
