That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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