I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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