he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
