She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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