I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
