Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
