I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
