Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
