guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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