do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
