Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just high enough for therapy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
