you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
