last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize