Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize