talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry about my life...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
