When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
