I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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