When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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