Got a toothbrush?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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