How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He shit in the fireplace
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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